Traumatic Stress Growth
"The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness," I'm slowly digesting my way through this book by Emily Esfahani Smith. The concept of "Traumatic Stress Growth" is comforting. The compounded effect of seeing this personal growth firsthand is empowering, but also feels like a lot of pressure.
I got to this "Traumatic Stress Growth" section of the book while David and I enjoyed two nights away from our precious family to have a belated celebration of 15 years of marriage.
So much of her research collection and findings falls right into my lap of "been there" or "doing that." I have such gratitude for my family, those supporting me and loving me every day, and those I've lost with whom I am constantly rebuilding relationships with in my head and heart.
It's that simultaneous moment that also racks me with grief and sadness for being a statistic of "trauma survivor."
But are we all not a statistic of something? Statistics are merely the summary based on observations of the majority and minority. The gathering of data to connect the dots and create the storytelling.
At forty life feels real. 15 years of marriage isn't to be sniffed at. The past feels complicated. The present feels a mix of chaotic and stolen quiet moments. And the future feels like an opportunity layered with challenge.
It's that "challenge perspective" that seems to shift and align with either the "How the fuck am I going to get all this done?" side of me or the "Hell yes! I've got this. It IS happening in the perfect time. I'm so thankful for ALL of it," side of me.
Both real. Both valid.
Thank you journey for carrying me down the river of life.
If parenting is like a pool (loved this analogy by Lisa Damour in "Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood"):
Concrete structure holding the water is the parent
The water is life experiences
The swimmer is the child, sometimes needing to hold on to the side for safety and guidance, but more and more swimming out freely in the water of life
Then being a human over a lifespan is like a river:
The water is the ever-changing mind as it experiences the
Riverbed, the physical world and people outside of one's self
Both the water and the earth have power and impact how the other shifts, changes, gains power or passes it on to someone or something else
May I keep reading, keep writing and keep learning from my life to continue becoming all the me I desire to be. And may you, friend, do the same. I believe in you.
Lotsa love,
Leah
p.s. Love you so much, David. Thank you for our adult-weekend away and even more for our home life full of support, belief, belonging and creativity every day. Yes to more SUPing. YES to more Prada heels. And yes to our tribe of Muhlenfelds being a kick-ass family for eternity.
